Will it Always be this Way?
by PandyDawn
Summary: I sit here in the dark...Alone I am...Which I fear I will always be- Jt
1. Will it Always be This Way?

A/N: Hello Everybody! I was looking around..and I finally noticed..where are all the Jt stories? He is one of my favorite characters and I havent been able to find very many...so Im writing my own!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi..blah..blah..blah  
  
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i I sit here in the dark..  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be.../i  
  
Sitting here on the edge of my bed I look down at the floor. The screaming of the other room fills my ears. My mother and father fight constantly. They are always drinking. It hurts me to see it, but its happened pratically everyday since I can remember. So I ask you one question: i Should I be used to it by now?/i Should I be used to the constant screaming? Should I be used to always having to take up from my mom so my dad wont beat her? Yes, my father does get out of control. And my mother...she always stays. Its like she doesnt care sometimes. Yet, I will always make sure that I am here so my father won't hurt her.  
  
My name is Jt Yorke...and this is what I have to go through everyday. My family isnt stable. I fear that we will lose are house soon. I have after an after school job and I have tried to help. Now I have pretty much given up, as I have caught my father in my bank digging around for change.  
  
I put on a act at school. I act happy and always try to be the center of attention. I am the class clown as some would say. But really I am unhappy. An unhappiness that always bothers me no matter where I am. May I ask you another question? i Do other peolple have parents like this?/i Do my friends come home to this like, I?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Putting down the journal I stand up. It seems like that was the only way to get my emotions out. To get the way I was feeling out. You may say it is girly to have a 'diary' but I wouldn't care. It helps me.  
  
The screaming got louder in the other room as I rush there. My father is over my mother hitting her. Without anymore thinking, I jump onto him doing everything I can to get him to stop. He pushes me off yelling. Standing up quickly I punch him. He wasnt going to touch my mother. He raises his fist getting me right in the eye.  
  
Mother runs over screaming at the top of her lungs, " Stop it! Stop it!", she yells at both of us. She then turns her attention to me, " Don't hit him again!", I look at her in confusion.," Dont start things!", she yells in my face as she goes back over to my so called 'father'.  
  
Getting up in disbeleif I look down at the sight infront of me. Looking down I then head back to my room.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was my first day of eleventh grade. I had arrived early that day, as I probally always would. Turning my head in all directions I looked for Toby, Paige, or anyone. I spotted Manny next to Craig. I had a crush on her for awhile but not anymore. Manny was having Craig's baby or so I heard from Emma. You couldn't tell at the moment. So me and Manny were now strictly 'friends'. Which was fine with me as we were better friends. Toby sat at a nearby bench near Kendra. Yes, they had managed to stay a couple for three years. Which was considered impossible at are age. Or so I heard.  
  
"Hey Tob.", plopping next to him I through my bookbag to the side.  
  
"Jt.", he nodded. He then just sat there as both he and Kendra had probally been in the middle of an 'important' conversation.  
  
"Seeya later then..", I said sliding out of my seat grabbing my bookbag once again.  
  
Looking around for anyone else I knew I spotted Paige standing next to Hazel. Jimmy then went to join them as he gave a small pec to Hazel. Yep, Hazel and Jimmy were a couple now. Couldn't say the same thing about Paige and Spin though. They had broken up last year. And they hadn't told anyone the reason. I didn't mind it though..I could talk to Paige without Spin in the way. I decided to head over there just to see if I could get an actual conversation started.  
  
" Hun you really must-", she was cut off as she turned my way., " Oh hey Jt.", me and Paige had formed a pretty close friendship over the last couple years. Sometimes there was noone to talk to. And she was just 'there."  
  
I gave a small smile," Hey..", was all I said while looking down, "Umm.. I'll see you later..", I know it wasnt the most interesting conversation ever. But all of the sudden it seemed that I wasn't in the mood for talking anymore.  
  
Emma walked up from behind me tapping on my shoulder. Turning around I managed to give a small smile.  
  
"Here..", she handed me a flier. i Degrassi Enviroment Club /i Yup, Emma was still into the enviroment. That hasn't changed and probally never will. She then walked off to hand them out to other people.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The day passed quickly. As we were all introduced to new teachers and new enviroments. Before I knew it I was heading home. I had tried to make plans with Toby but he had 'other plans'. And he was really the only option I had.  
  
Preparing myself at the front door I pushed it open ready for the chaos inside.  
  
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A/N: I know this chapter was short but it just an introduction. I'll continue if I get some reveiws! I will have a romance included in this..It might help if you state who it should be with. ^_^ 


	2. Hmmm

lil-anime-angwel- Thanks so much for reveiwing! I will definently be checkin out some of your stories! ;)  
  
pickledxwriter-Well, Im coming back for a next chapter! Thanks for the reveiw!  
  
Shane- Thanks for reveiwing!  
  
NoLaBels- Thanks for revewing!!!!  
  
lil-anime-anjewl - Thanks so much for reveiwing! I will surely be checkin out your stories ;)  
  
If anyone knows the coding for italics or boldness please let me know! As you can see it didnt work in the last chapter!  
  
If anyone wants to contact me they can reach me by:  
  
Aim: LitaWWFDIVA2002  
  
Email: pandydawn1234@yahoo.com  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I sit here in the dark...  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be....  
  
Journal,  
  
I had come into the usual scene I come into everyday. Not no sound heard through the little walkway, but immedietly anyone would notice the broken glass on the floor. There had been a sharp pain in my foot. Lifting it up a large peace of glass was sticking out of my shoe. Along with a label. A beer label. The place had been trashed. The reasons were already known. Of course I was left to pick up the mess.  
  
I had walked in to pure quietness afterwards. No one seemed to be home. My mom usually went out alot with her so called 'girlfriends'. They liked to party. And I mean party. Mom came home drunk and out of it afterwards. That was if my father would actually let her go.  
  
These moments are wonderful, just to sit here and do nothing. And now sadly they are coming to an end as right now I here the door opening...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Laughs filled the air. Laughs of pure ignorance. They were all coming from my of course drunk mother. I quickly put away the book in my hands. Stuffing it behind the couch's cushion. My mother walked right pass me like I was nothing. She went strait into the kitchen as I could hear her rummaging through things.  
  
" Where are all the doritos?", she asked me as she poked her head out of the door.  
  
" I ate them all...", seeing her with a look of disgust I figured I had to explain myself for 'eating'," Mom thats all that was here...I was just hungry."  
  
" Damn you...", she said going back into the kitchen.  
  
Prancing around like she was something else in the hot red lipstick and heels as long a yard stick. Then she plopped on the couch grabbing one of her cigarrettes and started puffing away. We sat there for what seemed like hours until I heard the door fly open once again. None other then my 'father' himself was standing in the walkway. He didn't look to happy.  
  
My mother jumped up. Excited to see him, she begn giving him a hug. He pushed her off him as soon as she started. Not roughly just enough for her to fall over the things that she called 'shoes'. My teeth were clenched.  
  
"Get of me...", he said heading into the kitchen. I could hear him snapping open one of his beers.  
  
My mother chose to follow him.," Poo...whats wrong?", I made sure to listen to this conversation.  
  
"I quit.", I heard him mutter shortly.  
  
"What!? Poo, thats the third job this week? You quit all those?", he didnt answer," Your not getting fired from these jobs are you?"  
  
" What are you talking about!?", the anger rose in his voice," Im the only damn one that supports this family! If it wasnt for me...you and that boy would be out on the streets and dead!"  
  
I rolled my eyes at this answer. We had nothing to this so called 'house'. We had to get food stamps, mom was always borrowing money, we were lucky if he actually worked long enough to get a actual paycheck. Maybe I should have worked tonight. It was my one and only day of this week, but it any penny would count in this matter.  
  
"Please..dont be mad.", I heard my mom say," I know you work hard. Poo, I'm sorry I really am."  
  
He then headed pass me and up the stairs. Without so much as a grunt, and he had a large case of beer at his side. With a pack of smokes in the othet hand. Hear we are about to lose are house, and dad still spends money on those things. It disgusted me. I had absolutly no respect for this man.  
  
Snapping back to reality my mother was sitting next to me on our couch.  
  
"So how much do you make on those jobs of yours?", she asked casually taking another puff.  
  
I simply shrugged.," It wouldn't help us anyways. He always takes it."  
  
"He supports us. Be glad we arent on the streets.", she paused," Maybe we could sell some of this furniture...", she let out a long sigh.," You know I almost had an abortion...", this statement caught my attention as I turned my gaze directly at her.," Your father didnt want a child. He liked life on the road. With his little old band. When he found out I was pregnant he was furious", she stopped taking another puff of smoke," He left me at some convinent store with just enough money to use the phone. Well, I didnt have anybody. So, that night I called your father back. Begged him to take me back. He agreed as long as I agreed to get an abortion."  
  
She had all my attention, " Well, he started saving up. As his band managed to get little gigs for some money. And my tummy started growing. And grow it did. And one day we did it. We had enough money. Your father rushed me to a doctor eager for them to get on with the operation. But we was denied. I hadn't been to the doctor once. Turns out I was already seven months pregnant. I knew I was big. But, we still wanted it. They wouldnt thought said it was to late."  
  
Her hand then came up with my notebook in her hand.," Whats this?", she asked opening it.," Nothing..Nothing..", I grabbed it quickly snapping it close.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The second day of school was always easiest. The being nervous part was over. And it was still a bit to early for the teachers to stack on much homework on us. Today was spirit squad practice. Yes, I still am the mascot. Its a excuse not for me to go home. To be funny. To be able to hide myself from everyone under the uniform.  
  
I felt a hand tap my shoulder. Turning around Paige was standing there with her usual perky grin.," Still coming after school?", she asked.  
  
I nodded," You bet.", a large grin formed on my face. Most kids despised school...but it was a chance for me to be with my friends. To forget my dreadful home life.  
  
" As you know we have a game tommorrow", I nodded knowing about the soccer game," So we really need to work on that routine", she winked then walked off with Hazel.  
  
It was Friday night and I was hoping to make plans with Toby. After work that is.  
  
I sighed standing outside my classroom ready for the days events.  
  
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A/N: Okay short I know! But I just really wanted to get this chapter out. It was totally boring wasnt it? Dont worry next chapter the real action begins! Just reveiw to see what happens next! ^_^ 


	3. What Now?

A/N: Hullo! I'm back for another chapter! I am so happy with my reveiws!!  
  
Deadly-Secret - Thanks so much for reveiwing! I am so glad you like it!  
  
Jt'sChick- I'll tell ya why I am not really paying attention to this reveiwer...she's my sis! She was just bein stupid and dropping a reveiw. Do me a favor and check out her stories...and maybe drop a reveiw, okay?  
  
NoLaBels- Thanks for reveiwing! ^_^  
  
pickledxwriter- Thanks for reveiwing! I'm gonna give the italic thing a try!  
  
lil-anime-angewl- Thanks for reveiwng!! Means alot!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi..blah..blah..blah.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was the end of the school day and I was walking home. Practice had been great. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that...You see...I didnt do much practicing today.  
  
~*~  
  
We were trying out a new routine. Being right in the middle of practice, Paige was being lift up by Hazel and some other girl I wasn't sure the name of. It was looking really good with all the cartwheels and flips going around, but then things seemed to drop down hill alittle. One of the girls was really wanting to get it right. And she might of tried to hard. She was doing her multiple back flips. She was on her last and final one with a huge smile knowing it was almost over,I guessed. Then it happened. She caught hazel right at the upper leg. This caused Hazel to drop down leaving the other girl to fend for herself. Of course she wasn't able to hold Paige herself. That caused them to both go falling right down. Paige seemed to land on her leg weirdly.  
  
The girl that caused the accident stood there for a second. She was obviously upset with her mistake. Hazel seemed to be unharmed as she stood up with the other girl coming up soon after.  
  
"I am...so sorry..", the girl around at the group. She seemed in the verge of tears.  
  
"Okay...", Paige muttered attempting to stand up, but she stomped sitting back on the ground," My ankle..it's sore.", the other girls started surrounding her. I stood on the front bleacher seat looking at the scene.  
  
"Is it broken?", someone asked," Sprained?", another whispered.  
  
Paige shook her head," I don't think so. It's just alittle sore.", she looked up as the other girls helped her to the bleachers.," Guess..I'll just have to watch today.", her gazed then focused on Hazel," Can you take over today. I'll just sit and watch." , Hazel nodded walking back to the middle of the gym and motioning the girls to also so.  
  
"Paige I'm so sorry...it was an accident I promise it."  
  
Paige nodded," Its fine just go practice", the girl nodded rejoining her other teammates.  
  
Knowing I probally wouldnt be called in for awhile I sat next to her putting my 'head' to the side of me.  
  
"Ya okay?", I asked offering her one of the waterbottles from the cooler.  
  
She took it graciously," I'm fine.", she said tearing it open. After taking a big gulp she looked back over to me," And you?"  
  
" Never better.", I lied.  
  
~*~  
  
I came back to reality. We had talked for along time. I mean really talked. She seemed easy to talk to. And I enjoyed having a conversation with her.  
  
Noticing I was coming back to my house I took a deep breath making my way to the front door.  
  
My parents were would still be gone. They would be at what they called 'work'. This would give me a few hours to myself. I was eager to right down the days events in my notebook.  
  
The house was just as empty as usual as I ploped my bookpack onto the couch as clouds of dust seemed to come up. I had not had money for lunch today. I never ate lunch ate school. The little money I had from work, I was not willing to spend on food. I was getting out someday. The money didnt add up to much yet. Actually, there wasnt much at all. You could thank my 'father' for that.  
  
Going to get my notebook before I ate I heard somebody upstairs. Someone seemed to be grunting as if in disgust. And I could tell that grunt from miles away. It was my father. This wasn't the worst part...he was in my room. The door was shut and I could hear soem things clashing against the wall. Slowly opening it his glare fell upon me. The look in hios eyes was fierce. As if he were ready to strange me. It was like he had been waiting for me, expecting me.  
  
Raising my eyebrow a tad I waited for his explanation. Then one of my eyes fell upon his left hand. In it was my notebook.  
  
"What is this?", he said calmly.," Could they be little stories? Little stories about our family?", his anger seemed to raise with each word," Little lies about our family? How miserable you are with our family!? HOW YOU HATE OUR FAMILY!?", he yelled at the top of his lungs throwing the journal at me.  
  
"It's mine..you shouldn't of read it.", I muttered. I was sure I had hit the book quite cleverly between my matress and the floor.  
  
He started advancing towards me.," So you hate your family? Your life?"  
  
"Yeah! To be quite honest I do!", I was unable to hold in my anger any longer," And you know what,dad?", I said quickly and loudly," I hate you too!"  
  
He seemed unable to hold on to control either as he pushed me down.," You hate your family? WELL THEN LEAVE!", I got up sick of him treating me like this. I was just about the same size as him at this age. He wasn't pushing me around any longer.  
  
" You know what?I will.", Angrily grabbing my book and pushing past him I headed for by bookback ready to bring it with me.  
  
He followed me down the stairs cursing," Yeah you just go out on the streets then! Your not coming back to this house. Not when you treat your family like this!!!", he called as I headed out the door.  
  
As I was closing the door I heard his final sentence," YOU WERE A MISTAKE!", he yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
Then I ran. And I kept running. Having no certain destination. I knew I could never go back now. Not that it mattered anyway. Their was nothing to offer me there.  
  
The question now was : 'Now what?'  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: These chapter arent getting very long are they? I'm sorry for this. But atleast something actually happened...right? Anyways please reveiw! It keeps me writing! ^.^ 


	4. Confusion

A/N: Hello! Hello! I'm back again. Lately I have been having more time to update this story. It could be because I have so many ideas. Well, I went for the italic bold thing last chapter...didnt seem to work. Darn I still can't figure it out! Anyhow, please tell me if you know how.  
  
I can't wait for the next season of Degrassi to start here in the US...kinda sucks that Canada gets to see it first, huh? Oh well, guess I should be glad I have the channel to watch it in the first place.  
  
I was just watching a very funny episode of Degrassi the other night. Yeah, I've seen it alot..but it always gets funnier. Its the one where Ashley takes drugs. Not Ashley's part, but Jt's and Toby's. I was in tears watching Jt being goofy around that lava lamp. It was hilarious!  
  
I've been thinking about writing another story after I get done with this one ( That will be awhile). I want to do a plot that isnt so popular. Something different thats not already out there. Got any ideas? I am interested in writing a fic with another person also. Interested? Let me know ^.^  
  
Looks like I've talked to much already...  
  
NoLaBeLs- Thanks for stickin with me and revewing!  
  
sethsduck17- Thats exactly what I wanted people to do! Think about another side of Jt...his home life. A side we don't see...thanks for revewing!  
  
lil-anime-angewl- Hiya Sarah! Thanks for stickin with me and reveiwing again!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi  
  
Look! I'm finally starting the story!!! :)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I sit here in the dark...  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be...  
  
So many emotions are going through me right now. I am glad I left. But, then I think where am I going to go after school? Sure Toby's parents wouldn't mind for a night or two...but I couldn't stay here forever. I am in eleventh grade now. Sure I can take care of myself. I always did. But now I couldnt hide in the house. And of course I couldn't afford to get my own place.  
  
ow I'm sitting here on a old bench. It's in the middle of the city's park. The sun is long gone. And the wind pulls on the trees violently. I had been to my job today. Didn't have much time to think in that place. Not when you have the boss is down your neck constantly, not when your fellow workers a giggling like crazy when they swipe some 'special sauce' on someone's meal, not when you don't really know what to think over.  
  
I knew I should get up and go to Toby's. But, something told me not to. Besides, me and Toby seemed to have drifted apart. We weren't as close as before. Maybe I would have to stay here...the whole night?  
  
The moon is shining brightly this night. That is how I am able to write this. Well, along with some small lamps nearby.  
  
In ways it is creepy just sitting here. No one else around...Let me tell you something...some people out in this world are crazy...and I think I might me one of them.  
  
School was tommorrow. Now I realize that I have brought no other outfit to wear. Well, maybe nobody will notice.  
  
It had to be only around nine or so...I couldn't last that long here. Guess I would have to go over to Toby's after all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Great...", I muttered under my breath. The Isaac's house was totally pitch dark...no one was at the residence.  
  
Was there anywhere else I could go?  
  
A thought struck me at that moment. Manny is nearby...infact a couple houses down. Maybe she wouldn't mind if I stayed over...just tonight?  
  
Her house was big. Big and clean looking. One word to desribe it would be: Homey.  
  
I knocked three times on the large wooden door before me. She stood at the doorway with a suprised look.  
  
"Oh..Jt?", she said with a smile. The smile I used to love. That I could no longer love.  
  
"Yeah..hey Manny", I paused," Umm..do you mind if I just stay over? Just for while?", I asked hopefully.  
  
She nodded stepping out of my way so I could enter.," Yeah just have a seat.", I did as I was told as she sat next to me.  
  
"Parents aren't here..so you can stay as long as you like.", she smiled.  
  
"Thanks.", I said managing a small grin.  
  
" So what brings you here?"  
  
"Oh well...I just needed a place to stay..for alittle bit", she nodded. A odd silence sat between us as I had to break it.  
  
" So how things with Craig..and you know?", I asked. She hadn't grown any from stating that she was pregnant.  
  
"Its fine..and it isn't going to happen anymore.", she said looking down.  
  
A confused expression came upon my face.  
  
" I decided not to have it anymore...I had a abortion.", she said softly.  
  
As soon as abortion hit my ears a wave of sadness came upon me.," Why?", I asked remebering my parent's decision not to have me.  
  
"Its not the right time.", she paused taking in a breath.," I don't feel that the baby would..have a good life."  
  
"When did you get it?", I nearly muttered. Somehow I felt angry at her for a moment. It wasn't my bussiness...but ending the life of something was wrong in my opinion.  
  
"A few weeks ago..", a wave of silents came over us as she broke it," And me and Craig are no longer."  
  
I nodded.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was around two and me and her still hadn't went to sleep as we talked about old times. We were talking about spirit squad and how she couldn't wait to get back. Some way along the line we got into the topic of Paige.  
  
" She's gotten nicer. Well atleast she hasn't been as mean to me.", I nodded," She talks about you sometimes..."  
  
The sentence caught my attention," How so?", I asked as the candle she had lit glowed on her face.  
  
"Not in a bad way...in a good. She sometimes wishes..you guys could be better friends..", she stopped herself," I've already said to much."  
  
I laid in silence.  
  
"Do you like her? I mean I know it was just alittle crush a couple years ago but..."  
  
" I dunno..", I stupidly said.  
  
Then she asked another question I did not want to answer," What about me?"  
  
" We better get to sleep..", I murmered changing positions. I heard her blow out the candle.  
  
"Goodnight..", she whispered.  
  
The question stuck in my head the rest of my night causing me to get little sleep. Did I still have feelings for Paige? Talking to her was really easy...and somehow their seemed to be an attraction. Did I still have feelings for Manny? We had been friends forever...  
  
Paige talked about me?  
  
Slowly I drifted asleep.  
  
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A/N: I wanted to confuse people in this chapter alittle. Plus I wanted to add alittle more romance. Well PLEASE REVEIW!!! ^_^ 


	5. More Confusion

A/N: Hello everybody! I'm here for another chapter. Thanks for all the reveiws!  
  
First of I want to say that the romance could go either way. It could end up being Paige/Jt or Manny/Jt. Just wanna make that clear.  
  
lil-anime-anjewl- Thanks for reveiwing  
  
NoLaBeLs- Thanks for revewing! As I said the romance could go both ways;)  
  
Jt'sChik- Well, even though you are my sis...I guess your reveiw does count for something  
  
pickledxwriter-Thankyou!!!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I sit here in the dark...  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be...  
  
Manny is still sleeping right now. The time has barely reached four. But I cannot stand to close my eyes right now. I am so confused about my feelings right now. Manny? Paige? I do not know...  
  
Sometimes I think I have to handle to much. School, my parents, and now this? I'm almost tempted just to skip school today. Its not like my grades could be any worse anyways. But then I think what will I do all day?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Manny took her place over by Emma as we entered the school. Paige was talking amongst her group of friends.  
  
It doesn't make sence to me that she might like me. Me? Yes, we were better friends...but... She had never seemed to look at me like that. Had Manny been making it up? I shook my head. Why would she?  
  
I know in my heart I still have feelings for both of these girls. It might seem selfish...but I can't seem to decide who I really love.  
  
Could Manny really be over someone she almost had a baby with? She couldnt really of broken up with him but a couple days ago...maybe they just need to tie up broken ends...  
  
And Paige who used to call me a dork all the time. Who's never shown any romantic interest. Who will be graduating this year.  
  
The bell rang loudly. As I realized the halls were emptied everyone had made it to class. And I was late...which is just what I needed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I was sitting at my usual lunch table. Manny, Paige and all the rest of them surround me.  
  
"So a party? Tonight?", Manny asked as Hazel nodded.  
  
"At Jimmy's. Its gonna be a blast!", Hazel said very excited.  
  
Manny looked over to me," So you in?"  
  
Was there anything better to do? I was off tonight...I nodded my head quickly," Yeah sure."  
  
"Hun, is there anything wrong?", Paige asked me tapping my shoulder.  
  
I came back to reality," Umm..errr..No. Why do you ask?"  
  
She gave me a small shrung," You look kinda spaced out.."  
  
I shrugged.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I arrived at Jimmy's apartment after school. The music was blaring and could be heard through the door as I opened it slowly walking in.  
  
People were dancing wildly to some music with the light flashing in my face. There was definently some drinking going on. As the aroma filled my nostrils. Drunks were laying on the floor, the couch, even the tables. People were making out wherever it was convinient.  
  
I managed to spot Paige in the crowd. She was sitting by herself on one of the stools. A large bottle of beer fell out of her hand. It left the floor spotless as it was completley empty. She looked depressed.  
  
I walked over closer as she still didn't seem to notice me.  
  
"Paige?"  
  
She didn't look up to me," What?",  
  
"Is something wrong?", I asked grabbing a stool nearby and sitting next to her. As she was looking away I managed to scoot away some of the bottles that she most likely planned on drinking.  
  
" Now...why...", I noticed her sobbing in her answer," Would..you think that?"  
  
The reason was obvious," Because you are chuggin down beer and crying."  
  
"And what? I'm not allowed to drink!? I'm not allowed to cry?", she questioned me with rage in her voice.  
  
"Paige whats wrong?", I ignored her questions.  
  
She took in a deep breath," He's here..He's here okay!"  
  
"Who's here?", I realized how stupid the question was when I saw Dean. He was standing only a couple feet away from us as he was laughing with his friends.  
  
"Dean...", I said quietly as she continued to look down," Has he tried anything?"  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"Paige, has he tried anything!?"  
  
" When I first got here he walked over...I told him to go away and he started talking.", she paused," He tried to kiss me..Then I went over her."  
  
I stood up," He tried to kiss you?", I muttered. I looked over to the jerk. He was looking this way. And smiling,  
  
I started heading his way.  
  
Paige was there to grab my arm," Don't Jt you'll only make things worse. Just sit down.", she said pleadingly.  
  
I kept walking. I wasn't about to let Dean get away with that. Not after events from a couple years ago and now trying to kiss her...  
  
Wasting no type I pushed him sharply. He fell back alittle and then looked at me in confusion. He didn't waste time for questions though as he pushed me back.  
  
I had grown quite abit since are last quarrel. Now I could hold my own. He got me pretty good in the eye as I quickly charged him knocking him off his feet. His friends stopped him from going any further holding him back.  
  
"Jt stop lets just go.", Paige said taking my arm pleadingly.  
  
"Oh..I get it..", Dean began," Your Spirits boyfriend.", he smiled with a cut lip.  
  
I was about to say something but I was interrupted.  
  
"You better watch your back.", he puashed my be grinning at Paige and then walking out the door.  
  
"Are you okay?", Paige asked concerned looking over my hurt eye.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine.", we started walking out the door," You?"  
  
She nodded," Thanks for standing up to me...", she sighed quietly as we made our way to her house.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We arrived to an empty house her parents were gone. She sat on her couch motioning for me to also.  
  
I took my place by her.  
  
"I'll get an icepack for your eye..", she said making her way into the other room.  
  
She came back quickly handing me it.  
  
An odd silence came over us after that. And one question still lurked in my mind. It had to be answered.  
  
"Paige do you..", I paused not knowing what to say," Do you..."  
  
"Have feelings for you?", she finished for me," Well...", she paused, " Yes, Jt I do.", she murmed quietly just for me to hear.  
  
Manny had not been lying. Paige had confirmed it herself.  
  
"What about me?", Paige asked," I know it a long time ago.."  
  
I cut her off," Umm..can I stay here tonight?", I asked," I'm beat..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Well there you have it! As I said this romance could go either way! Please reveiw! ^^ 


	6. Everything is Okay

A/N: Here I am! I realized that I had to come do another chapter! Couldn't wait any longer! Thanks so much for all my reveiws!  
  
pickledxwriter: Thankyou so much! I really do hope people like this triangle thing I have going on...And who he ends up with...  
  
NoLaBeLs: Thanks for your reveiw! As for Manny/Jt..well...your just gonna have to keep reading and see!  
  
lil-anime-angewl: Thanks!  
  
sethsduck17: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad that you seemed to enjoy it! As for Jt/Paige...guess your gonna have to find out.:)  
  
deadly secret- I'm so glad you seem to like it! And thanks for the idea!!! You neva know I could end up doin somethin like that!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I sit here in the dark...  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be...  
  
Yet again I am up in the middle of the night. I really should get some sleep, but I have found it hard lately. The events of today were..well how would you say it? Interesting? I dont really know.  
  
Paige is sleeping on the floor beside me. She had refuse to leave me down here myself. I really can't beleive what a sick creep that Dean is. Has he done this to other girls? If so, how does he keep getting away with it? I almost wish Paige would have reported him when she had the chance. I know it was hard for her...but he would probally be locked up right now.  
  
Paige confirmed her feelings herself to me. It was kinda a shock at first...I feel really bad about not answering her question...but I couldn't. I know I'm being selfish but I still don't know. With Manny and her...its confusing.  
  
I'm running out of outfits. Well, really I've only been gone from home about two days, but I didn't bring anything else for me to wear. Yesterday, I had to had Toby's jacket on to cover the dirty t-shirt from the day before.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I arrived at school right on time with Paige as we both rushed to our classes. We really hadn't had the chance to talk on the way. It was to much of a rush.  
  
Making it just in time I saw that the only free space was next to Manny. She put up her arm in a waving gesture. Hurridly I took my seat right next to her.  
  
"Hey.",she said quietly smiling at me. The bell rang and I looked over to the front. A small old woman was standing at the front scattering through papers. She didn't seem to know what she was doing. We probally wouldn't be starting anytime soon.  
  
"Hey.", I said quietly.  
  
" Where were you yesterday? Didnt see you at the party...did you come?", she asked. A paper airplane gently brushed her nose as it flew on by.  
  
"I came...just didn't stay to long."  
  
"Why didn't you come find me?"  
  
" I tried."  
  
"Oh...", she paused," So what you just stayed for a minute or two and left?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"It was that boring?"  
  
"Well...", I didn't really feel like telling her about the night before. I finally looked up from my desk at her.  
  
"Jt!", she said just about loud enough for everyone to overhear.  
  
"Miss...", the old lady called in her squeaky voice," Please keep it quiet."  
  
Manny managed to lower her voice," What happened to you eye?"  
  
My hand reached up to touch it. It was still pretty sore from last nights events and I knew it looked pretty bad. I had just hoped that no one would say anything.  
  
"Errmm..", I couldn't manage to pull out a excuse from my head at the moment.  
  
"Did you get into a fight?"  
  
I opened my mouth to respond.  
  
"Was it at the party?', she interrupted me with concern.  
  
"Oh..ummm..yeah", I paused," Just alittle fight..had to teach some guy a lesson.", I chuckled nervously," No biggie."  
  
"Why were you fighting? Did he start it?", she couldn't seem to stop asking these questions.  
  
The bell rang meaning we had wasted the whole hour waiting on the temporary teacher.  
  
Manny followed me as I walked out of the classroom grabing my books.  
  
"So?", she asked trying to keep up with my fast speed.  
  
I didn't respond.  
  
"Jt stop ignoring me!"  
  
Sighing I stopped," Listen I'm not even sure how it happened.", I puased hoping to come up with a good lie, " It just kinda happened. I kinda just bumped into him abit...but it was no biggie."  
  
The look on her face didn't look like she beleived me as I started walking again leaving her behind.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The rest of the day went pretty fast as I found myself at the usual table in the lunchroom. Hazel was talking very annoyingly about how 'great' the party had been last night. Spinner seemed to be in a bad mood as he had his full attention on his tray. Manny was nodding along with Hazel also agreeing about the previous nights events. And Paige was just nodding calmly with them.  
  
" Paige what happened to you last night?", Hazel asked as Piage shrugged," You just dissapeared.."  
  
"I was just getting tired...", Paige responded.  
  
"You were only their half and hour...if that."  
  
" I was just tired...thats it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was after school. And I find myself wondering where I will be staying tonight. Of course, I have my job tonight. That should give me some time to think up something.  
  
My number one goal right now is finding a place. Maybe renting out a small apartment. Or getting a roomate...anything for the matter. Of course, I don't have that kinda money yet. If you were to count up the total of change in my pocket you would reach about....fifty dollars...give or take a few. Its getting my by. I mean I really haven't had to spend any money on food. As I've been lucky enough to stay with a friend for the last couple days.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My job came and went fast. Faster then I would have wanted it to. Paige stopped by to get a bite with Hazel. They didn't stay long and we didn't talk much. In the short period they were there I never got the chance to ask her is she minded me staying over again.  
  
So, now I find myself aimlessly wondering these streets. Not able to decide what direction to actually go. I look down the dark alleys as I pass. I get a fair smell of garbage from each one. It is dark now and no one is out now. The street lights here are in poor condition. Most are either completely out or just barely hanging on. Not a sound can be heard.  
  
Walking down further and nearing the end of this area I begin to hear muffled sobs. I begin to feel nervous. Slowly I continue my way as the sobs get louder and lounder and I begin to notice that they are coming from a girl.  
  
Finally reaching the place where I am sure the sound is coming from I stop looking down it. But it is to dark and the sobbing quits.  
  
"Hello?", I say in a quietly mumble.  
  
I receive no response.  
  
"Is anyone down there?", I manage to say alittle bit louder hoping its not some creep.  
  
"J..T..?", the voice asked through while still crying.  
  
Reconizing the voice automatically I speedingly walk in the alley barely being able to see her in the darkness.  
  
"Paige?", I kneel down trying to get a good look at her. But I can hardly see the outline of her face.," Paige...what are doing here? Whats wrong?"  
  
Grabbing for her hand in attempt to lead her out of the dark place she does'nt move. Her condition seems to be bad. Maybe to bad to get up. I know I have to be able to see her as I pull her up slowly and gently pulling her arm around me allowing her to lean all her weight on me. Gently, I helped her out to a nearby street lamp placing her gently against a wall.  
  
Thats when I get a good look at her.  
  
Her outer eyes are black smeared by her makeup as tears run down her face. Her hair is sticking to her face from sweat. Her mouth is shaking as blood comes from her lip. The left side of her face right below her eyelid is badly bruised. Her face seems to be coated in dirt.  
  
Her new tanktop that she was so proud of is ripped at one of its sleeves. It barely looks white anymore covered with dirt and who knows what. Her jeans have many rips and tears. They also are covered in dirt.  
  
I am left there in utter complete shock.  
  
"Paige...", I say slowly," Paige are you alright?"  
  
She doesn't answer just continues sobbing. She can't seem to control herself. I slowly wrap my arms around her trying to comfort her.  
  
"Everythings okay...Everythings okay.", I continue to repeat this.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: So what did ya think??? Good? Bad? Ugly? Terrible? Drop a reveiw and let me know! ^_^ 


	7. I will kill him

A/N: Howdy! I'm here for my first update in awhile. I don't really have much more to say...but Im real excited about the upcoming season of Degrassi!!!  
  
pickledxwriter-Thanks for your reveiw im so glad you seem to like it!!!^^  
  
Jt'sChik- Dont know why I answer your reveiws, sis. But thanks..I guess...^^  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I sit here in the dark...  
Alone I am...  
Which is what I fear I will always be...  
  
I've been abused by my parents for as long as I can remember. Sure, now I have gotten old enough to just walk out, but at a young age that was hard, nearly impossible. The thoughts of each breath I took in that house still haunts me at this moment. It's quite sad knowing you never had or will have real parents. So while Paige, who I am certain I am in love with, lays here in the hospital bed I will open up more to you. And only you. And maybe someday someone will find this sad excuse for a notebook and take pity on me. But that will never happen as I know you will not leave my sight until the day I die. No one must know. So, as the blank pages in my notebook become fewer I will fill them up with something halfway worthwhile. Things I will never forget.  
  
I don't remember anything much until the age of four. My so called 'mom' had me already doing everything that needed tending to in the house. I remember doing the dishes one day. As we had just finished our macaroni and cheese. The plates were covered with interesting lumpy stuff of different colors as I tried to scrub them off with a small old rag. That 'stuff' hadn't seemed to want to move a inch though.  
  
"Mama it wont come off!", I whined as the stuff squirted onto my rotten t-shirt.  
  
"Boy, can't you do anything!?", she growled while looking up from our small television set," You do that or your not gonna go outside."  
  
Well, eager as I was to go and play with the neighbor kids I simply placed the dishes in the cabinent sticky stuff and everything.  
  
"I'm done, Mama", I called running and grabbing my shoes.After getting them on I ran outside to join the other children. I started a nice game with a boy my age and his dad. And boy were we having fun.  
  
"Kid!", my father shouted while poking his head out the door.  
  
"Be right back!", I called to my friends. A large grin was on my face as I ran up to my father. He pulled me inside quite roughly.  
  
"Whats wrong?", I asked confused.  
  
"Whats this!?", he shouted very angrily putting the disgusting plate in my face. I kept the confused look on my face," You can't even wash a plate!?", he continued," You-"  
  
"You wouldn't help me!", I interrupted him," I told ya I couldn't get the nasty stuff off!"  
  
"Don't you dare talk back to me..", he growled under his breath as he put his fingers on the rim of his belt and started to unbuckle it.  
  
Thats when I knew my behind was getting a whippen. I-  
  
~/*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*  
  
"Jt?", Paige asked in a whisper as she woke up. Carefully I put the pencil and book away. I knew I would finish it later.  
  
"Paige", I smiled that she was awake.  
  
"Why am I here-", she paused obviuosly recollecting her thoughts.  
  
"Paige", I said trying to ask the question gently," Who did this to you?", I failed.  
  
She sat silent as if she hadn't understood my question.  
  
"Do you remember?", I knew she did.  
  
Again she remained silent.  
  
I had a pretty good idea on who would and most likely did bring this on her. I just needed to hear her say his name.  
  
"Paige?", I asked again.  
  
"It happened...", I waited for her to continue," It happened after me and Hazel came to see you."  
  
I nodded waiting for her to go on.  
  
"She had left with Jimmy and I was going on home,"she paused," It was dark and the street lights weren't working very well. And then he grabbed me", she took a deep breath as she had no emotion on her face," I didn't have a chance to kick or scream and there were more then one..."  
  
A doctor suddenly walked in," I'm sorry visiting hours are over, sir.", she walked over to me.  
  
I stood up," Who was it Paige!?"  
  
I needed to hear his name from her mouth. The doctor began to lead me out," Im sorry sir you must go.", he shut the doors right on me.  
  
After those doors shut I had made one desicion. Enough about me and my misery...this was about Paige. I made one promise I would never break, I would kill Dean.  
  
I knew where his house was. And I knew I would do it in a instant when given the chance. I just needed the proper equitment. The first thing that came to my mind and would come to any guys mind was a gun. And the only place I had access to one was my house.  
  
I would get it and:  
  
I WOULD KILL DEAN.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	8. The mission was still greatly in Mind

A/N: Hello everybody! Well, I'm back sooner than expected but I just wanted to see your reactions on these upcoming chapters. Yes, I know that Jt is acting alittle on the 'loopy' side...but it will all come together and I think you guys will enjoy it ^^  
  
pickledxwriter- I'm so glad you liked that chapter!  
  
chika-Lol! Thanks for reveiwing. I know Jt's actin kinda 'insane' and he probally we'll for alittle while...  
  
punk-anjewl- Thanks!  
  
Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As I walk outside the hospital, I realize I have forgotten my things. I sigh and shrug at the same time. Atleast it's Paige in the room I she would'nt touch it.  
  
As I think more about her my anger rises even more. Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn't it of happened to somebody else that I didn't give a damn hoot about.  
  
I beleive that Paige is a good person. Sure, she has had her bad moments. But haven't we all? She didn't deserve it. Forget me and my sorrow, forget everything else, forget me writing in that stupid book all the time. I hope one of the hospital nurses would find it and toss it away.  
  
I stop as I notice someone's presence. I look to my side as Manny is walking right with me.  
  
"Hey.", she siad with her usual grin. I really didn't feel like talking at the moment.  
  
"Hello!?", she tries to get through to me.  
  
"Listen, Manny I can't talk right now."  
  
"Why not? Whats wrong?", she paused," Why weren't you at school today.  
  
"Things came up.", I stop as we reach my house.  
  
"Why don't you talk to me anymore?", she asked in a soft sad voice. Her hair was blowing in her face as she tried desperately to tie it back.  
  
"What? Manny, I talk to you...", I fetl rather bad,"I've just been busy lately-"  
  
"Jt, you still haven't answered my question.", she had a look of hurt.  
  
"Manny, I just did. I do-"  
  
She cut me off once again," Not that qestion", she paused,"Jt I need to know...if you love me or not", she looked down," Because if you don't you need to tell me. Don't let me waste my time anymore."  
  
"Manny, I-",I said nervously.  
  
"Think about it. Really think about it.", she then turned back in the direction we had come from. I stood there stupidly lost at words.  
  
I was so lost in trance watching her go that I had forgotten what I was here to do. Finally, I snapped back to reality.  
  
The gun was inside my father's room. And hopefully he was still at work.  
  
Slowly I opened the door which suprisingly didn't make a sound.  
  
The place was dark. The shutters were closed and not a single light was on. The place was filthy, beer bottles and can laid in piles everywhere. A pile of freshly spat tobacco sat in a lump oozing into the floor. The television was knocked over and cracked. The pillows to the couch were scattered and the smell was horrid.  
  
Right then and there I realized how organized I had kept the place. On how together it really had been with me there. A loud crash came from the kitchen that made me jump. A shrill came with it. My eyes widened. They were here and they were free to walk in her the second they felt the need to. I looked to the staircase. The gun was up it. And I was gonna grab it and get out fast.  
  
I took out in a jolt running up the stairs in a quietly manner. The first door on my right was my father's. And I pushed it open roughly running in and grabbing the large gun off the wall. A pack of bullets lay near it and I grabbed those as well. Not thinking another moment I took off down the stairs knowing I was almost home free. Then I saw them. On the counter were my mom's keys to the rusty old car. Without thinking I grabbed to them also.  
  
"Stop.", I heard a angered voice as I turned around.  
  
My former father stood there with a very enraged look.  
  
"What...do...you think your doing!?", he shouted as he started walking towards me.  
  
"Your not taking your mom's car anywhere! And you sure as hell ain't taken my gun!", he spat.  
  
As he came closer I did a very daring thing. I lifted the gun up and pointed it at him.  
  
He stopped and took a step back nervously," Put the gun down, boy.", he said with his hands in the air," Put the damn gun down boy!"  
  
I shook my head my hands shaking.  
  
"Stand back.", I whispered.  
  
"Put the gun down.", he paused," Don't do anything you'll regret.  
  
"Stand back", I repeated," Stand back or I'll shoot you."  
  
He took a step back," Fine, go ahead and leave, I'll just call the cops on your ass.", he said making way for me.  
  
I didn't answer just slowly walked out the door with my back never turned to him.  
  
Slowly I than sat in my mom's car and started it.  
  
THE MISSION WAS STILL GREATLY IN MIND.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: What did ya think? Jt acting alittle whacko aint he? I promise he wont be like that forever. Please REVEIW!^^ 


	9. I't didn't make any sense to me

**A/N: BOO!!! You guys probally never thought this chapter would come did you!? I feel so bad....I've wanted to update, but I kept putting it off. Hope ya guys don't hate me and I PROMISE never to go that long without updating again.**

**Disclamer: I do not own Degrassi..blah...blah...blah**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

My mind was racing. My eyes shifted to the gun that was in the passenger's seat.

Fear. Fear hit me like a brick. I was scared. My hands trembled as I tried to remain focused. I had to keep in mind why I was doing this.

I looked at the gun once again. I had never used a gun. Would I even know how to work it when the time came? I had my doubts.

A bright red light shined in my eyes as I realised I had gone over the speed limit. Way over.

Slowly and with hesitation I pulled on the the curb.

I held my breath as I saw the cop get out of his car. What would happen to me?

He shined his light in my eyes as I squinted covering them with my hand and tried to remain calm.

"Sir, do you realise that you were going way over the speed limit?", he questioned. He was an older guy and he looked impatient as he chewed almost violently on his gum.

"Umm...", I paused as I felt the sweat drop down my face," No sir, I'm sorry. I didn't.", my voice was shaking.

"And did you realise how wrecklessly you were actually driving?"

At this question I just stared at him like he was crazy. I had been speeding a bit, but I knew most certainly that I was completely in control.

" License?", he held out his hand as I dumbly just stared at it. Finally, I shook out of my confusion as I pretendently began looking aroung the car for it.

"Just got to find it.", I said cooly.

The officer seemed impatient as he looked around.

"You don't have one do you?", he finally questioned after several minutes.

"Well...of course I do."

He ignored me as he shined the flashlight through my car.

"Is their a reason you have a gun?"

For this I had no answer.

"Please step out of the car, sir.", he opened my door for me.

Slowly I did what I was told.

He then began searching me and as soon as he finisdhed he threw on some handcuffs and through me in the car.

I watched him as he searched my car. And only after a few minutes he hurried back to me.

"Would you mind explaining this?", he asked as he held a plastic baf infront of me.

My eyes grew wide in pure shock. I't wasn't mine. It was my mom's car! It had to be her's.

"I't isn't mine!", I yelled in panic as I jumped out of my seat.

"Calm down!", he growled as he pushed my right back down,"You are under arrest. Would you like me to read you your rights?"

I shook my head as he slammed the door in my face. We then took off.

"I't isn't mine! I swear it!", I felt tired, shaky and sweaty as I shook myself around.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

I had arrived to the police station shortly after. A police officer standing beside me were waiting for the results. I knew already what they would be and as soon as the got back it had to count for something.

After much waiting and explaining repeadetly that it was my mom's car with no effect, another officer came back with a piece of paper.

Slowly he opened it and handed it to me.

I read the paper as I scanned over it with quick eyes and right on the top in big bold letters it read: Positive.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

After I had seen the results I had demanded a retesting, but that came out positive too. I was in denial.

Sure enough I had been high for a few hours, when I had been driving and everything.

But I certainly did not remember doing drugs, it didn't make any sense to me.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: Please Reveiw it keeps me writing!**


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